Those that know me well, know I enjoy my solitude. I enjoy my own company. I
enjoy the still quiet of aloneness. There is truth in it. I’m no hermit though. Just an
introvert fairly adept at navigating extrovert terrain. The gift is that those closest
to me also enjoy solitude, but you’d never know it when we get together because
our pow-wows are lit! The beauty in these relationships is that we can go for
weeks, even months without seeing each other and pick up right where we left
off as if there was no separation between time and space. There is a spiritual
kinship I have with these folk. Some related, some not. It’s taken me a long time, but I’ve found my tribe, my soul mates.

Along the way though, I’ve loved and lost (both romantically and platonically)
mostly for reasons that were obvious, such as outgrowth, mal-intent or
somewhere between the two. But there were some relationships (kin or kin-like)
that went awry for reasons unbeknownst to me. Perhaps I was intolerable and did
something(s) wrong? Maybe I pissed off someone’s constantly disrespectful mama? While I don’t think I’m hard to get along with, through steady growth, I’ve learned not to
suffer fools. It’s a boundary of mine that many I don’t speak to take issue with. Go
figure. Hell, I don’t even suffer my own foolishness.

Though, I’d be lying if I said at the time, I didn’t incessantly replay in my mind what I possibly did wrong and all the accompanying coulda, woulda, shouldas that go hand in hand with anxious obsessing over BS. The end is still the same, I wasn’t made aware of any infraction(s) and wasn’t given the opportunity to possibly course correct (if necessary). As hard as these conversations are, IMO, withholding that kind of data, then proceeding to wholly avoid and ignore a person is tantamount to cowardice and betrayal. Seriously, when folks ghost you, but lack the decency and
courage to tell you why, then I’d say the relationship was far less important to them that it was to you.

I once had a long-cherished friendship with someone who I also worked for.
(Recipe for disaster, I now know). Let’s call this person Terry. Terry decided they
no longer wanted to be CEO of the small company that they hired me to consult
at and got another job. Terry was highly competent, but a terrible manager.
Terry’s staff couldn’t stand them. Terry’s bosses (the board of directors) also
found Terry difficult. So, Terry quit. Despite the difficulties with Terry, the board
made a good faith effort to try to retain Terry and asked me to draw up a counter
offer, matching Terry’s new job’s salary along with the caveat that Terry had to
also agree to (much needed) executive coaching. Butt-hurt, balking and bridges
set ablaze, Terry left the company. The board then asked me to step in to
temporarily serve as CEO while they conducted a search. I agreed and after a few
months, when I refused to provide Terry with any insider gossip, Terry then
proceeded to tell our friends in common that I “stole” their job – and ceased
speaking to me, with no explanation. This was 10+ years ago. To this day, though
I’d never share it, I still have Terry’s email receipt and review of the counteroffer
as proof that no job theft occurred. Sigh. Unbeknownst to Terry, our common
friends laugh at them for still peddling this lie.

Willfully missing events (without simply declining invites), ignoring calls or
returning texts/emails exorbitantly late (if at all) is cowardice. With email, snail
mail, texts and Zoom, even a simple “F*ck U” is possible with little effort. Though
the tried-and-true method of talking face-to-face or calling someone is still the
best way to hash things out or end them, hopefully civilly.

So maybe those relationships are meant to be permanently lost or perhaps they
exist in a purgatory of sorts. Upon thorough introspection, if you can honestly say
(and know) that you made restorative and reparative efforts that went
unanswered, then consider yourself blessed that these folks cycled out of your
life. Inevitably, when they come out of the woodwork (and they will), keep it short and sweet, and keep it pushin’!