Because I purposely dwelled primarily in my conscious mind, I spent much of my youth repressing feelings because of my upbringing training. To be sure, I wasn’t quiet, but nor was I outspoken. I most certainly wasn’t always direct or a ‘straight-shooter.’ In the moments I was outspoken if what I had to say wasn’t agreeable, I’d be shamed and guilted for it, both personally and professionally.

That said, being quasi-passive in our communication inevitably bleeds into other areas of our life, a core and critical one being discernment. See, we’re all always intuitive, but if your training has been to repress and not express, you’ll inevitably start to bypass red flags and allow folks touting huge red banners into our already dysregulated emotional space.

It took me awhile to unlearn communicative repression and finally move into healthy expression. It’s freeing, no sugar-coated communication that if done sans rudeness, with a sprinkling of tact and grace, is far more impactful than ‘shooting from the hip.’ Letting it out in a healthy way combines the results of therapy, communication courses, and mainly trust in self (which is a whole ‘nother blog). I let it out so as to not withhold data from those I choose to be in communication with. The few folks in my (way) more healthy emotionally regulated sphere have earned, deserve and insist upon my unfiltered, no BS yet respectful speak. They reciprocate the same raw and unwavering respect to me as well.

Letting go is altogether different. It’s a release many of us (me included) have not yet mastered. For most of us, we know logically that letting go does not mean to forget or condone. Yet emotionally it’s still difficult to somehow not blend it with undeserved forgiveness.

Though, step-by-step, we get better at releasing some things and then eventually others. Eventually. Depends on the day. Depends on the level of gratitude we may have that day. Depends on the affront.

What I do know is that while letting go can be a challenge, NOT letting go often leads to anxiety and depression. I’m positive that this dynamic destructive duo has destroyed many healthy white blood cells of mine. Hell, both my mother and grandmother lived and died without letting things go. Their minds and bodies played host to parasitic shame, anger, and profound sadness. Their deaths taught me that we cannot have genuinely authentic relationships with folks who only choose to dwell on the surface.

How do we let it go? When I get my sh!* together, I’ll gladly share. Til’ then, you and I, my friend will have to stumble through the journey on finding answers to this. It’s certainly multi-layered and lMO, looks and feels different for us all. For now, all I can offer are a few suggestions, in no specific order:

• Emotionally accept the past. This sh!* is hard as hell, but necessary.
Logically accepting the past is far less challenging. Emotional acceptance
requires being open to engaging in profound depth with the self – and
sitting in it. Remember, this doesn’t mean we forget or condone
• Challenge rumination. By consistently disrupting negative repetitive
thoughts with opposite ones, we can re-train our brains to stop hyper
focusing on things we cannot change and are actively trying to heal from
• Don’t do it alone. A support team (even of just one person) invested in
your well-being makes a huge difference
• Don’t be an open book about your journey. In the beginning, moving in
silence is crucial to keeping an ear out for those who refuse to be attuned
to your progress. As I’ve grown, I share various parts of my journey(ies) as
comfortably necessary. Not everyone deserves emotional access to you.
Share it sparingly, only with those that have earned it

Letting it out can lead to Letting it go if we’re open to it. Both are vital to restorative, peaceful emotionality. I wish that for all of us this new year and beyond.